first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
