So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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