Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
