i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
