dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
