I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
