fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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