we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
