The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
