you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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