We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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