6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
