I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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