My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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