"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
