i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
