I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
