After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
