you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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