Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
