Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
