Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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