Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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