I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my being single is dangerous.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
