I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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