I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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