don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
