Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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