He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize