Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
