Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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