You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
