i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
