honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
