Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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