OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im on a boat
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