I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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