I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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