it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
