It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Non-Jews are for practice
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
