just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
