So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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