you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think i got beer on your cat.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
