OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
