My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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