dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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