Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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