if only i could text you this smell
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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