Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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