I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
