she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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