Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
