It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize