I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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