Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
