Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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