I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
