I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
