My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
