i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
