his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
