I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
