dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
