i wish peter jackson would direct porn
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
