I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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