Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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