So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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