I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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