after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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