Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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