went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize